Weddings are full of big decisions. From choosing the venue to picking the menu, everything matters. But one question can feel especially tricky: who should I choose for my best man?
This choice is about more than tradition. The best man plays a key role in the wedding day. They offer support, lead the groomsmen, and help everything run smoothly. So, if your partner is unsure who to pick—or you’re helping them decide—this guide will help.
What Does a Best Man Actually Do?
Before deciding, it’s useful to understand the role. A best man isn’t just there to make jokes or organise the stag do. Here are some of their key responsibilities:
- Help plan the stag do.
- Keep the wedding rings safe.
- Offer support to the groom before and during the ceremony.
- Give a speech at the reception.
- Organise the groomsmen on the day.
- Solve any last-minute problems quietly.
These tasks take trust, time and effort. So when asking who should I choose for my best man, think about more than just who makes your partner laugh.
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Loyalty Matters More Than Laughs
People often assume the best man should be the funniest person in the room. But loyalty should come first.
Think about someone who has always been there. Have they supported your partner through good times and bad? Can they be relied on? If yes, they’re probably a strong choice.
For example, maybe your fiancé’s childhood friend is fun but flaky. Meanwhile, their brother or cousin has always been solid and dependable. That could make the decision easier.
Can They Handle Pressure?
Wedding days can be stressful. Things can go wrong. The best man needs to stay calm and think clearly. It’s not just about giving a speech. It’s about helping your partner stay relaxed too.
Ask these questions:
- Can they stay calm in tense moments?
- Are they organised and good with details?
- Will they keep things moving when needed?
If the answer is yes, they may be the right person.
Who Should I Choose for My Best Man? Speech and Style Matter
The best man’s speech is a big moment. It should be funny but respectful. Guests expect stories, but not anything embarrassing.
Here’s what to consider:
- Can they speak confidently in front of a crowd?
- Do they know which stories are appropriate?
- Can they mix humour with sincerity?
Also, can they look the part? They don’t have to be fashion experts. But they should take the role seriously, dress smartly, and be happy to appear in your photos.
Is your partner writing their own vows too? Our guide to writing wedding vows might help them get started.
Does It Have to Be a Man?
No. The role of “best man” doesn’t have to go to a man. Many people now choose a best woman, or a non-binary friend. What matters is the connection, not the title.
If your fiancé’s closest friend is a woman, they can still give a speech, plan the stag do, and stand by them on the day. The role stays the same.
Today, more couples mix traditions to fit their own style. There’s no rulebook. The only rule is: choose someone who matters.
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Blood or Bond?
Some people feel pressure to choose a sibling. Others have stronger bonds with friends. Family ties are important—but they shouldn’t be the only factor.
If your partner has a brother they barely speak to, that person might not be the right choice. If they have a close friend who has supported them for years, that might be better.
Of course, they can still involve both. One could be the best man. The other could give a reading or act as a groomsman.
You don’t have to choose between family and friends. There’s often room for both.
Who Should I Choose for My Best Man? Think Practically
Sometimes, practical details make the choice easier. Does your partner’s top choice live nearby? Or are they overseas and hard to contact?
Can they attend the stag do and key planning events? Or will distance make it hard for them to help out?
Also, will their idea of a stag weekend suit your fiancé’s style? If your partner wants a quiet pub night, but their mate wants a wild weekend in Ibiza, that could cause stress.
Still unsure? The Stag Company has great ideas for different types of celebrations.
Will They Still Be in Your Life in 10 Years?
It helps to think long term. The best man will be in your photos, your memories, and your wedding video. You want someone you’ll still be close with in years to come.
Some friendships fade. Others last through life’s changes. Choose someone you know will stick around. Weddings are about lasting commitment. The best man should reflect that too.
Planning to get married by the sea? Here’s your complete guide to beach weddings in Ireland.
Go With Your Gut
In the end, trust your instincts. Your partner probably already knows who feels right. Sometimes, people overthink this choice. If the same name keeps coming up, that’s a sign.
The best man doesn’t have to be perfect. But they should be trustworthy, supportive, and proud to stand by your fiancé.
Can You Have Two Best Men?
Yes. If your partner feels torn, they don’t have to choose just one. Two best men can share the role. They can give a joint speech. Or one can lead the ceremony while the other plans the stag.
This can take pressure off both of them. It also lets your partner honour more than one close relationship.
Want tips on modern wedding roles? Hitched UK has some great advice on how to personalise your day.
Final Thoughts
Choosing a best man is a big moment. The title carries tradition, but the meaning is personal. If your fiancé is asking, who should I choose for my best man, they should look at their relationships and trust their judgement.
The best man isn’t just there for the day. He—or she, or they—will be part of your story. Choose someone who will make the experience better, from the early planning to the final dance.
Still building your dream wedding team? Make sure your plans stay on track with our ultimate wedding planning checklist.
